从《诗经.蒹葭》想起

     

溯洄从之，道阻且长。

溯游从之，宛在水中央。

蒹葭萋萋，白露未晞。

所谓伊人，在水之湄。

溯洄从之，道阻且跻。

溯游从之，宛在水中坻。

蒹葭采采，白露未已。

所谓伊人，在水之涘。

溯洄从之，道阻且右。

溯游从之，宛在水中沚。

（《诗经·秦风·蒹葭》）

都说诗经的这首诗是描写一个男子看到河对岸一个美好身影，而心仪之，但河水滔滔，只能看到她的身影在水浪之间若隐若现，而无法接近的心情。

更有可能，那个所谓伊人只是诗人心中的一个执念，一个幻想，一个慰籍心灵的一个想象，或者不可弥补的遗憾。

今天，我坐在椅子上思考刚结束的一个治疗session，一个复杂的案例，又联想到另一个未决的案例之时。这首诗经中的诗出现在我的脑海里，感到很有意思，所以记录下来。感觉用这首诗来描述工作中常遇到的那种悬而未决的状态和心情也颇合适。

有时候，跟来访者工作的时候，你所探讨的东西仿佛就在那儿，却又觉得还不完全清楚；有时候刚刚触碰到关键，又到了该结束的时间；有时候感觉就是它了！而来访者又不能完全领悟……人的意识，更不用说无意识，扑朔迷离，瞬息变化，跟人捉着迷藏似的，其实是因为曾经的创伤，心理的不安全感和恐惧，加上长期形成的防御阻抗。

有时，那些若隐若现的追寻，就好比那水边的伊人，可远观，不可接近。只有不怕风高浪急，不怕路遥且阻的勇敢者才能接近啊！

The reed becomes grey,

The dew turns to frost.

Where is the sweetheart?

She is on the other side of the river.

If going upstream,

The way is so long and challenging.

If going downstream,

She always seems in the middle of the water.

The reed is dense and thick,

Dew has yet to dry.

Where is the sweetheart?

She is at the borderline of water and grass.

If going upstream,

The way is so tricky and unreachable.

If going downstream,

She seems to be standing at the beach among the water.

The reed is dense and stretching,

The dew is still there.

Where is the sweetheart?

She is standing by the water.

If going upstream,

The way is so complicated and torturous.

If going downstream,

She seems at the beach surrounded by water.

（"The Reed” from “The Book of Songs”)

This is a poem in the Book of Songs. It is a love song indeed. It describes how a man feels and his imagination when he sees a pretty girl on the other side of the river. So naturally, he is attracted to and wishes to be with her. However, the river is wide and surging. He can only look at her from afar but fantasizes about going to her side by going through the water one way (upstream or downstream). However, she seems unreachable either way.

It is also quite possible, that she is only a fantasy come from something buried deep down in his mind, or a hallucination, a regret, or an illusion that comfort his loneliness or pain.

Today, after finishing a session, I sit on my chair thinking of the complicated case. I felt something was there, a breakthrough seemed right there, but we could not reach it. Another difficult case also came into my mind; I could not understand why the patient suddenly started continually attacking me. The therapeutic relationship seems to hang on a delicate string; the treatment entered the ice age. However, the ice seemed to melt after a long silence and a short comment. Suddenly, this poem came into my mind automatically. It was so interesting! Why? Why this poem? Why at this specific time?

Then an idea came to my mind: what the poem describes is the longing for an unreachable object with the elements of uncertainty and the sense of pending. Uncertain, pending, suspending, and waiting to be solved are the adjectives describing something that is non-certain or not finally solved. As a psychoanalyst, this is the kind of state that I have to endure and be with. Leaving something suspended, waiting for the moments of insight, waiting to be enlightened by something--a memory, a discussion, or an argument--for both the analyst and the patient, hoping to reach the open space after crawling through a dark and narrow channel, sometimes like swimming through a surging and drowning river.

Yes, it is not rare. When working with a client, you often find something meaningful that seems right there, but you still need to work hard to see it more clearly. Sometimes, a good discussion finally starts, but the time is over. Both the analyst and the patient have to pull themselves from a meaningful conversation with much reluctance......The human mind, let alone the unconscious, is confusing; it changes from second to second, playing hide-and-seek with us. Probably no one knows better than psychoanalysts that it is the trauma caused by fear and insecurity, and corresponding defenses are playing hide-and-seek with us.