Xiao Hong in the "Golden Era"

Xiao Hong in the "Golden Era"

Francy Wang

I watched the movie "Golden Age" on a Saturday night two weeks ago. When I clicked the movie link, I thought it was adapted from "The Golden Era" from the same-named novel of Wang Xiaobo. However, it is not. Instead, it is a movie about the female writer Xiao Hong's life in the '30s of China.

It's an almost three-hour movie about Xiao Hong's short and suffering life from many aspects of her, her love life (mainline), talent, relationships with other intellectuals (e.g. Lu Xun), becoming a writer, as well as her trauma, illness, and death.

After watching the movie, I could not calm myself down from the emotions that the film provoked. After waking up from a dream that I cannot recall, I wanted to write something to calm my sadness. Then I hesitated. I felt not very confident to write about a writer who died 80 years ago. I admit that I have not read all her works yet. After doing more research, I decided just to tell her life story and my thoughts about the connection between her early experience and her later life.

Childhood

Xiao Hong's original name was Zhang Naiying, and Xiao Hong was her pen name. It is said that, if putting her pan name (Xiao Hong) and her then boyfriend's pen name (Xiao Jun) together, it sounds Xiao Xiao Hong Jun (means the "Little Red Army"). I don't know whether it is what they really meant. The tone of language in her "The Legend of the Hulan River" is just describing but powerful at the same time. One by one, she tells the suffering and happiness of the people there. When I read "The Legend of the Hulan River" many years ago, I could not fully comprehend the meaning of the story when I read it as a young person. Reread it, in the background of the "Mom of Eight," I find myself in a sad mood that could not be suppressed. For a while, the sadness is so intense, feeling like the time has stopped for hundreds and thousands of years!

Xiao Hong's life was a tragedy. The tragedy imprinted with the brand of her time and the culture.

In 1911, Xiao Hong was born in the town of Hulan, and her family was a well-doing family then. In The Legend of the Hulan River, she described there were more than 30 rooms in her family house and several small houses around the yard that were leased to other poor families. The yard was very big and looked deserted because there were few people. The yard was the playground for her and her grandpa. Her dearest memory was playing with her grandpa in the yard. Her father was a school inspector, and her grandpa was also very well-literate. Her grandpa was also her first teacher. Unlike many girls at that time, she could receive formal education until junior high school. After she ran away from home to escape an arranged marriage, she attended a girl high school for another year while living with her married cousin in Beijing until her cousin went back to hometown under the pressure of his family. Without income to support her education, she had to go back to Hulan as well.

Xiao Hong was the first child of her parents, and her younger brother was a few years younger than her. So, she had no playmates when she was little. Although she is the first child of her parents, her parents did not like her very much because she is a girl. Her mother was rather indifferent to her, and her father did not favour her, either. Her mother died when Xiao Hong was eight years old. Her father, a stubborn man, becomes worse after his wife's death, often being angry and beating her from time to time. Soon there was a stepmother. Her stepmother did not beat her like her father did but was indifferent to her and often scolded her and got her indirectly. 

Only her grandfather loved her very much. He spoiled her. She loved her grandpa, too. She is a free little naughty soul in front of her grandpa. Her grandpa planted vegetables and flowers and raised chickens and ducks in the yard. She followed her grandpa everywhere, being a little helper or naughty. Her grandpa tolerated all the mischiefs that deserve punishment under the standard of that time, e.g. pooping while climbing the ladder nakedly. She could play tricks with her grandfather or even give orders to her grandfather. "Everything is alive and free: do whatever you want to do; do anything you want to do." (Xiao Hong: The Legend of Hulan River)

In the patriarchal society, being her grandpa's favourite, her life won't be so bad even if everyone else did not like her.

When Xiao Hong was born, her grandfather was in his sixties already and basically had nothing special to do. They warmed each other. 

"My grandfather is just idling day by day. Fortunately, he had me. I am three years old. Or, grandpa would have been so lonely. I learned to walk, then I learned to run. When I am tired, grandpa carries me. When I am too slow, grandpa pulls me …" (Xiao Hong: The Legend of Hulan River)

They had the yard, a free world for them. 

"I drag grandpa to go to the backyard. Once we are there, it's a different world. It is definitely not the constrained world like in the house anymore; it's a broader world, human and the sky. It's so big, so far, unable to touch it with your hands. And what on the ground is so prosperous. I cannot see them all at a glance, only the bright green stretching away in front of me."(Xiao Hong: The Legend of Hulan River)

She remembered the flowers in the yard, a cherry tree not bearing fruits, and the leek garden, especially the wild wormwood taller than her and hanging the "fog" on the top of them. She chased the butterflies in the yard and took the naps in the wormwood when she was tired.

There are timbers and bricks scattered among the wormwood, and there are small houses rented to the poor in every corner of the yard, and various tragedies took place inside the houses. 

Her grandfather doted on her, and she followed him like a little tail. "Grandpa stayed in the garden all day, and I followed him around. Grandpa wore a big straw hat, and I wore a small straw hat. When he planted the flowers, I would copy him. When he pulled the weed, I copied him, too. When he planted the cabbage, I would follow him behind, using my little feet to smooth out the soil nests one by one. Sometimes I only messed things up. When I intended to cover the seeds, I would kick the seeds away by mistake." (Xiao Hong: The Legend of Hulan River)

Her grandfather started to teach her to recite ancient poems when she was four years old. Her grandpa read the poetries, and she copied them. Then, even though she did not understand the poetries, she would shout them out loudly, the whole house could hear her. Her mother tried to stop her by threatening to beat her, but her grandpa only said: "Your shouting is blowing the roof away."

Her grandpa was always smiling at her. Once, her grandpa said to her: "Grow up. It will get better when you grow up."

Xiao Jun and the Abandoned Baby

She grew up, but it was not getting better. Her grandpa died when she was 18 years, her grandfather died, leaving her behind, alone in the world, in the sense of psychology.

Her father did not allow her to continue to go to school anymore. They arranged a marriage for her. Many women would have surrendered to the arrangement under parents' pressure, but she is no other woman. A teen with a free spirit and unruly personality, and the desire for knowledge, she chose to flee the home. She ran away from home. She went to Beijing, signed up for a girl high school, and lived with her married cousin, who provided financial support.

In her whole life, many men failed her, starting from her father; many men helped and protected her, starting from her grandfather. It was almost an unbreakable spell. Unable to resist the pressure from his family, Xiao Hong's cousin left her and went home. In desperate, she had to go back home. She was put on house arrest once she arrived home. With the help of an aunt. She ran away to Harbin again and led a homeless life for a period of life. She described her life of that period with two words: "cold and hungry." An 18-year-old girl was alone in Harbin, hungry, cold, and poor. When her arranged fiancé found her, she agreed to move into a hotel with him. Soon, she got pregnant. One day, he left her and never came back again. Since then, he and his whole family all disappeared (it seems to remain a mystery). At the time, they had owed the hotel 600 yuan. 600 yuan was a huge sum of money at the time! The hotel keeper held her hostage and let her move into a storage room. He planned to sale her to a whorehouse for money.

In desperate, she wrote a letter to Pei Xinyuan, the associate editor of The Newspaper of International Association in Harbin for help. The editorial staff sympathized with her. Pei Xinyuan sent Xiao Jun to deliver some books to Xiao Hong. They hit it off with each other. After reading the poems she wrote, he admired her talent very much. They fell in love. However, he is also very poor. He was unable to pay the ransom to same her out. When her due date is approaching, the Songhua river burst its bank. The waist-deep water filled the street of Harbin. It gave Xiao Hong an opportunity to escape from the hotel. She climbed out of the hotel window with the huge pregnant belly and jumped onto a rescue boat. She and Xiao Jun found each other; she was on a boat, he was the water coming to the hotel to rescue her. They lived with Pei's family for a while and then moved to a Russian-kept hotel. Without money to rent the beddings, they slept on a bed without a pad and blanket. They often had no money to buy food, but they were happy. Soon, Xiao Hong gave birth to a baby girl in the hospital. The baby was given to adoption in the hospital. It was in 1932.

It is heartbreaking to read it. How unfair fate is! But, her tone and expression when she told Xiao Jun about it suggest that she gave the baby away to be with Xiao Jun. It evokes ambivalent feelings in people, sympathizing and hating her. But I think she just appeared to be indifferent, or she dissociated her pain. In 1933, Xiao Hong published her "Abandoned Baby," In which she tells a story of a Mother Qin giving up her baby in the hospital. I think it is her own story that described her desperate situation and psychological and emotional struggle and pain. She likely started to write it shortly after being discharged from the hospital.

In the book, Qin and Beili are in dire poverty. Beili helps Qin escape from the flood and lodges in someone's house. Although the two are in the joy of love and their new beginning, hunger and hardship are what they face every day. They pass every day by borrowing money and listening to the landlord's complaints.

In Abandoned Baby, Xiaohong describes:

"Qin's belly is getting bigger and bigger! From the size of a small basin to a big size one, from a still one to a moving one. She cannot fall asleep while the mosquitoes are walking and playing on her legs, and the baby is walking and playing in her belly. Her body has become a big circus, and everything plays there." (Xiao Hong: Abandoned Baby)

The description of Qin in the Abandoned Baby is heart-wrenching. She misses the child very much, longs to be with her baby, to hug her and hold her in her arms. She feels so much pain and guilt. However, she has decided to give the baby for adoption, so she repressed her desire of making the mother-baby connection, leaving it to her adoptive mother. Is she dissociating her feelings? No, she is not successful in dissociating her mother's love. She puts her face against the wall (the child is on the other side of the wall) and gets closer to the baby in a way that the child cannot feel it.

"The moonlight shines on the wall. A shadow appears on the wall, and the shadow is trembling. Qin gets out of bed and leans on the wall: 'My little baby, don't cry anymore. Mommy comes to hold you. You are so cold, my poor baby!' "(Xiao Hong: Abandoned Baby)

The wall separates them. Forever. 

Anyone who experienced pregnancy and childbirth would know that the bond between mother and child is gradually formed during the 40 weeks of pregnancy. It is often said that mother-child have a natural bond. I think the bond does not exist naturally but is formed bit by bit from the moment of fertilization. Then the body starts to change bit by bit due to the hormone changes. From the fatigue of the body, the swelling of the breasts, the morning sickness, the bulging of the lower abdomen little by little, it reminds the women of the existence of the little life all the time, minute by minute, day and night, not to mention the silent communication between mother and child through fetal movement, the touching, the conversation with each other, etc. in countless seconds, minutes, days, and nights, as well as the various emotions and countless fantasies during the whole process. When you plant a seed, we can see the process of germination and growth. In pregnancy, the seed is planted inside a woman's human body, the development of the child occurs inside that body, and only the pregnant woman can "see" it. Therefore, the formation of such a mother-child bond is experienced by the pregnant woman, and other people can only rationalize it, cannot feel it.

Therefore, it is difficult to break this bond entirely, if not impossible. And this kind of breaking is cruel; it is cruel to both the child and mother.

Perhaps, she wants to protect her child? Perhaps she wants her baby to form the first bond with the one who can raise her. Perhaps she does not want her baby to suffer the pain and confusion of separation and loss.

"The baby sleeps on the other side of the wall. She doesn't know that her mother has decided to give her up at all…... The woman is sympathizing. The nurse said: 'This little face looks so lovely; you cannot help to like her. Poor child.' The child was awakened by their groping, and his face touched the palm of the person, thinking it is the palm of her mother, she starts to cry bitterly." (Xiao Hong: Abandoned Baby)

When the child is touched, she thinks it is her mom's palm. She feels so wronged: Mama, why did you not tough me earlier? Am I not lovable? We can imagine how the mother feels when she hears the conversation and the baby cries next door. At this time, we can only imagine how the mother feels! 

Her worry, guilt, and longing are also reflected in her dreams:

"Worries comes in Qin's dream again. She dreams that Bei Li comes in, carries her up, and runs away by jumping over the courtyard wall without paying the hospital fee and leaving the baby behind. In her dream, the child later becomes the maid of the hospital administer; she is beaten to death. The child is still crying in the next room; she has been crying too long. The child seems to be vomiting. Qin wakes up and rushes out of bed in panic. She thinks the administer is killing her baby. A shadow appears on the wall, and she passes out. The autumn night is silent, and the white moonlight shines in every room. On one side of the wall, the mother's body is lying on the floor. On the other side, the baby is crying for mommy. It is the wall separates them; they are forever separated." (Xiao Hong: Abandoned Baby)

In the dream, she abandons her child in the hospital, and the child becomes a maid and dies from beating. After waking up, she wants to rescue her child but passes out on the floor. Helpless and guilty. What separated them was not the physical wall. The wall is the poverty, the powerless, the war, and maybe the patriarchal mind. How if it were a boy?

While reading her words, I understand her helpless situation and her choice. But, at the same time, I also hope that she can rush out of the room and take the baby with her. I hope the baby could stay with her mother no matter how being together for life and death.

But what mother can bear to watch her child suffer from coldness and starvation? I want to believe that she gave her baby up because she ran out of other options. But it doesn't mean without pain. Perhaps it is a pain that is so intense, to convince herself, that she needed to rationalize it as "the purpose of giving up one child is to save more children." 

Understanding Xiao Hong

Xiao Hong is an autobiographical writer. It is believed that "The Legend of Hulan River" is a retelling of her childhood experience. "Abandoned Baby" tells an experience of her early youth (perhaps there are certain degree of recreation and exaggeration of creative writing?) From these two books, we can correctly infer her life at that time and the influence of her early life on her.

Personality

Xiao Hong's relationship with her parents was not close as a child. It lacked intimate and warm interactions. Her mother died when she was seven years old, and her father remarried soon. Her father was stubborn and irritable, and her stepmother was cold indifferent. After her mother's death, the maternal and paternal love she could get was limited. But she had her grandfather. In her story, her grandfather was a supportive object. Her grandfather took care of her kept her by his side day and night. He was very patient with her and could play with her without restraining her playful and naughty nature. Grandfather's garden was her playground, a free world. In the absence of playmates, she exposed to the adult world prematurely (The Legend of Hulan River is the observation from a child's view. It is more of autographical lyrical prose than a novel.) In the garden, she spent a lot of time staring at the white clouds and their unending changes during the day and the stars at night. She observed the snow falling and melting in the winter, green leaves growing in the spring, and the flowers blooming and fading year after year. Her rich imagination and fantastic creativity that she demonstrated in writing should have a lot to do with the sense of free and non-restraining developed then. Winnicott believes that children playing is important to the child and adult creativity. It is the key to creativity. Creative adults are people who can play and allow themselves to play.

However, is it a curse or a blessing for her to have such a grandpa who loved her, admired her, and also spoiled her? In her later life, it seems she was always in "compulsive repetitions" of looking for a "grandpa."

Her encounter with Xiao Jun had seemed a destiny. In desperation, Xiao Hong grabbed the straw that Xiao Jun handed out. Two young people with very different backgrounds—Xiao Hong from a landlord family, Xiao Jun from a poor family, and a soldier—started a love affair. Although they finally broke up unconventionally, Xiao Jun did save a genius writer, and they had an intensely romantic relationship. I think they truly loved each other until the end of their life because no other relationship could replace that kind of love that would not diminish no matter how—sharing weal and woe, like-minded--passionate, romantic, creative, and irrational. What relationship can replace a relationship with such (conscious and unconscious) mutual identification? They love each other, only could not live together anymore. At the end of her life, Xiao Hong said: "If I send Xiao Jun a telegram to ask help from him, he will definitely come and help me out!"

Xiao Jun's daughter recorded her father's memories of Xiao Hong:

"I was used to 'protecting' her like protecting a child, and I was also very used to presenting myself as a 'protector,' sheltering her from the wind and rain, doing everything... I try my best to make her live a happy and stable life. I feel honoured and proud by doing those for her!......My problem was like to 'use my strength,' and she was 'too vulnerable'......At her end of life, she said, 'If I send Xiao Jun a telegram to ask help from him, he will definitely come and help me out!'…… It's enough for me. She knew me." (Xiao Yun's "Father and Daughter Conversation Records" in "Memories about Xiao Hong at her 100-Year-Old Birthday")

We can see that Xiao Jun played the protector of Xiao Hong. He thinks that Xiao Hong is very childish. So their relationship is that of a "child" and a protective "grandfather."

(He had his reason to be a protector as well. Xiao Jun was born in a poor family. His mother died of suicide because she could not stand the violent abuse from her husband anymore. So when he sympathized and protected Xiao Hong, in his unconscious, probably he is saving his mother, the young mother left him because of his father's violence. And his domestic violence against Xiao Hong is probably his unconscious identification with his violent father, the abuser.)

It seems Xiao Jun thought Xiao Hong was childish, and Lu Xun also thought she was childish. She thought herself childish, too. Not only is she childish, but she was also very neurotic, prone to be extreme, willful, irritable, easy to lose her temper, and had suicidal thoughts from time to time. Ji Hongzhen, the author of "The Daughter of the Hulan River: he Complete Biography of Xiao Hong" wrote:

"Xiao Hong's personality is like a dormant volcano. She is usually quiet and calm, but when she encounters a major juncture, the uncontrollable passion would burst out and become more radical and extreme than others. (Ji Hongzhen: The Daughter of the Hulan River: the Complete Biography of Xiao Hong)

Ji also mentioned that she "would cry and yell loudly when she is angry and when she couldn't persuade her others." 

These are signs of psychological immaturity or "childishness." The so-called radical means the lack of ability to tolerate the intermediate state. Radical persons need to separate things in clear-cut states, black or white, yes or no. These people fixed in the childhood paranoid-schizoid position in the object relation language. Their personality structures are close to the borderline form. In this sense, Xiao Hong was indeed a "child." Maybe she was not in this paranoid-schizoid position all the time, but in some difficult situations, e.g. when in major junctures, she would regress to the childish paranoid-paranoid state. So, the uncontrollable passion, radical and extreme. So, she could rush into somebody's home and lie on their bed for the whole day or lose her temper to her friend and her friend's parent who are helping her.

A child needs parents/" grandpas" to protect her. Remaining childish can arouse the wish to protect from others. Xiao Jun protected her by rescuing her and taking care of her when she most needed help. Lu Xun also "protected" her by writing the preface for her "Field of Life and Death". Would her success be different without Lu Xun's impetus?

It seems reasonable for her to leave Xiao Jun now. Modern people won't think a pregnant woman cannot break a relationship with a violent and infidelity man. What puzzles me is why didn't she leave Xiao Jun earlier? It does not fit in her general character. I am afraid, in addition to the gratitude of Xiao Jun's rescue of her from that desperate situation, her love of Xiao Jun, there is the "childish" attachment to a "grandpa" at the bottom of her heart. Her dearest grandpa had left her forever; it must be very difficult to leave this spoiling "grandpa," even though he was abusive sometimes. Did she normalize the domestic violence in a relationship/marriage, given the environment she was raised? Did she also feel that she needed to conform to the dogmatic teaching that a woman must contend with the man she married? (嫁鸡随鸡，嫁狗随狗) We already know that she grew up in Hulan, where people could kill a child bride with hot water.

It is said that Xiao Hong left Xiao Jun because she had an affair with Duanmu Hongliang . Is that true? At the wedding with Duanmu Hongliang, she said: "I have no romantic love history with Duanmu Hongliang. I noticed Duanmu Hongliang when I had decided to separate from San Lang (another name of Xiao Jun). I have no high expectations to Duanmu Hongliang. I just want to live a normal and common life like ordinary people; no quarrel, no fight, no infidelity, no ridicule; only mutual understanding, love, and caring. So I truly feel that I do not deserve marriage. But Duanmu made his sacrifices. I deeply appreciate him. (This passage is the line in the movie and is quoted in several books, but I did not find the original source.) Therefore, not only that Duanmu Hongliang played the rescuer, the role of a "grandpa," but she looked down on herself. She felt that nobody would want her when she was carrying another man's baby, and it was a sacrifice of Duanmu Hongliang to marry her. No wonder their relationship soon became problematic; she appreciated Duanmu as a "grandpa," not as a loved one from the beginning of their marriage.

Perhaps she felt the same guilt when she was with Xiao Jun because she was carrying another man's baby. Perhaps she felt Xiao Jun made the sacrifice, too. 

Sense of powerless and inferior as a woman

Perhaps there are reasons for her to look down on herself, considering the time and environment in which she grew up.

She grew up in a patriarchal time and culture; boys were preferred over girls. Her mother did not like her precisely because she was a girl. Why her mother preferred a boy over a girl? Very likely, her mother was "brainwashed" with the patriarchal teaching, and perhaps herself was discriminated against as a girl, too. Psychoanalysts all know that people like to identify with the abuser. And, the daughters-in-law of that time would all hope their first child is a boy to fulfil the great task of giving the family a boy to carry on the family name and consolidate the marriage and the status in the family. A daughter-in-law who cannot give birth to a boy might be disliked or even abused by her mother-in-law/husband's family, or the husband would have a second or third wife to fulfil it. Xiao Hong's paternal grandma disliked Xiao Hong and was very harsh. In "The Legend of Hulan River," Xiao Hong describes that when she was being naughty, poking the window paper with her finger, her grandmother waited for her on the other side of the window holding a long needle, and the needle pierced into her finger. She started to scream because of the pain. She was three years old then.

Xiao Hong described several tragedies of women and girls in "The Legend of Hulan River," and the child bride story caused the most disturbing feeling.

The child bride was only twelve years old when she came to the Old Hu family. She was tall and cheerful, not shy at all. She ate three bowls of rice the first day she arrived. She sat straight and walked fast. But such a child did not fit the image of a child bride; a child bride should be in a blue funk. She should be fearful, must put herself in an inferior position! As expected, "After a few days, the family started to beat the child bride, and beat very violently. It is so violent that the cry and scream could be heard no matter how far away." "Since then, in our yard, you can hear the crying every day. She cried loudly, crying and screaming... grandpa went to Old Hu's house a few times, trying to convince them not to beat the child anymore. Grandpa said a child does not know much. If she does something wrong, giving her some telling should be enough...... the beating got worse and worse. They beat her day and night. When I wake up in the middle of the night and recite the poetry with my grandpa, I would hear the crying and scream coming from the southwest corner." "Her mother-in-law would pinch on her thighs whenever the child bride says that she wants to go home. Gradually, as the result of pinching after pinching, her thighs look like the sika deers, purple and blue. " (Xiao Hong: Legend of Hulan River)

Then, the child bride is "sick ." What are the symptoms of her sickness?

"The child bride's illness is getting worse day by day. According to her family, she would suddenly sit up during sleep at night. She would be afraid when seeing someone. Her eyes were always full of tears." "The child bride thinks her mother-in-law is going to beat her in half-sleeping state. She jumps to the ground from the kang (a type of bed), screaming, struggling violently, unable to be held down." (Xiao Hong: Legend of Hulan River)

Now we'll say they are symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.

People thought that the child bride was ghost possessed. So they began to treat her "illness" by sorcerer dances and using various remedies. In the end, she was scalded to death during a sorcerer dance ceremony. But what killed her was not just the hot water.

"The sorcerer beats the drum and orders her to take off her clothes in public. She rejects, of course, but her mother-in-law holds her and asks a few people to help, and they all come up and tear off her clothes. .....She was twelve years old, but she was as tall as fifteen or sixteen years old. Looking at her nakedness, the girls and young women are all embarrassed...... Soon the child bride is carried into the vat full of hot water, very hot water...... She is in the vat now, screaming and jumping; screaming so loudly like she is running for her life. Three or four people stand beside the vat and start to pour the hot water onto her head. After a while, her face becomes red, and she cannot struggle anymore. She stands in the vat motionless. She gives up struggling, probably. The vat is huge; people can only see her head when she stands in it…... a while later, she does not even move, cry, or laugh anymore. She is sweating, and her face is red.' (Xiao Hong: Legend of Hulan River)

The child bride is no longer screaming.

'The child bride is gone. She passed out in the vat…... Everyone runs to rescue her; some kind-hearted people are even crying. When the child bride was still alive, when she asked for help and ran for her life a moment ago, no one stepped forward to help her and rescue her from the hot water. Now she cannot ask anything and cannot feel anything anymore; people are trying to save her...… Her mother-in-law comes over and quickly pulls a ragged jacket to cover her body, saying: 'Don't you feel shameful to be naked?" 'When the child bride refused to take off her clothes, her mother-in-law shouted at her and took her clothes off with force. Now she doesn't feel anything anymore, her mother-in-law considers her dignity." (Xiao Hong: Legend of Hulan River)

So it is likely that similar tragedies happened in her real life. A person, who was treated lightly by her parents and other people and witnessed other girls being despised and tortured as such, probably would internalize the patriarch view while disliking it at the same time. She probably despises herself deep down. She gave away her daughter, just like her parents "gave up" her. She tolerated Xiao Jun's domestic violence and covered it up for him, but Xiao Jun was not ashamed of his behaviour at all. Nor did he realize that he had identified with his violent father.

Yes, Xiao Hong spoke out for women, and there is a special power in her language, although she just presented the story without giving too many interpretations. She also realized the limitations of being a woman. She said, "The greatest pain and misfortune in my life is all because I am a woman." Nie Gannu recalled a conversation with Xiao Hong and remembered Xiao Hong said: 'Do you understand? I am a woman. A woman's sky is low, her wings are thin, and her encumbrances are heavy! And even worse, women are too good at self-sacrifice. Yes, I want to fly, but at the same time feel like I'm going to fall.'"

She knew that she could not break free from the culture and the environment fetters of her times, nor could she break free from the fetters of her mind. The language in her book seems free, like music notes with wings, but they play the angry and sad songs, showing the sorrows of that era in rawness. But her mind/psyche is restrained because of the traumas she experienced (the losses of her mother, her grandpa, her daughter and son, the abandonment, war, violence, and diseases) and the influences of history and culture. She could not be entirely free, like everyone else.

Many women want to fly. However, under the lowered sky, when the thing wings burdened with the historical, cultural, environmental, family, and personal encumbrances, how many women managed flying up? And how many women flew up then fell?

How many women are still chained to the visible and invisible chains, screaming in vain? Looking around, they see the indifference. They are suppressed and persecuted by physical and non-physical violence.

Xiao Hong died at age thirty-one years old. It is the golden time for a person and a writer. A genius passed like that; such a pity!

After she died, Duanmu Hongliang buried her in Hong Kong, facing the sea as she wished. I wonder whether her soul has rested in peace. Is she still wondering about her unfinished "half red mansions"? If she knows there are still "child brides" naked and scalded by hot water or chained like animals, would she still be able to listen to the waves gossip in peace (please see the poem of Dai Wangshu below)?  

Why is Xiao Hong remembered? Is it just because of her beauty, genius, and gossiped romantic relationships? She is a writer; people remember her because of her works, thoughts, and compassion for people and the world reflected in her works! The stories she wrote resonated in the hearts of countless people, like the rippling sound, penetrating the souls of people, travelling through time and space.

At Xiao Hong's Tomb

Dai Wangshu

November 20, 1944

Six-hour long lonely walk,

Put a bunch of red camellia by your head,

I waited,

long nights,

But you, lying here and listening to the wave's gossip.

(In Dai Wangshu "The Complete Compilation of Dai Wangshu's Poems")

(Francy Wang, February 24, 2022 in Toronto）